...and another thing

Wavey

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Online grocery shopping - mankind's greatest advancement since the invention of Sky+
Been there and gave up with it. Order say a potato and it gets subbed for a pack of clothes pegs. Might as well just say, here's my card go get me a load of random items
 

Eat Y'self Fitter

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The Mrs won’t have it she reckons they send out all the over the eat by dates stuff :hehe::shrug2:
:hehe: That's what everyone thinks, they (tesco at least) get stuff with a good date on purpose and if something is short dated it's noted on your receipt so you can give it back for a refund if you can't use it.

Occasionally the substitutions are a bit wild but overall the odd minor irritation far outweighs the pain of actually going to a supermarket.
 
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Dr Lecter

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Self-service checkouts. They drive me absolutely bonkers. I try to avoid people at the best of times, but with this virus thing, I have even less desire to go anywhere near Jackie on till no.2 and have the next person behind me trying to breathe down my neck.

But these fecking self-service till things. First the larger one's with the conveyor belt, you can guarantee you pick the one where the belt doesn't work. Then you place your empty bags in bagging area "sorry item not recognised". Wait 10 mins for the numbnuts to finish their conversation to come and authorise it.

Scan one item and place in the bag then wait half hour before the damn machine is finally ready to allow you to scan the next item. You're a fecking computer, what's taking you so damn long. Place next item in bagging area to be greeted by "sorry item not recognised" and then wait another half hour for numbnuts to end conversation again and return to help out. And repeat.

Then comes the boxes of beer. All of a sudden the machine decides You're the one that's going too slow, as you trying to wrestle to get the beer in the empty bag buried under the rest of the shopping due to the pissy sized bagging area, to be then greeted by the "clearly you are a cripple for not getting the beer in your bag quickly enough, a colleague will be with you shortly".

Then wait half hour for numbnuts to turn up to authorise the alcohol sale. Get so wound up, by the time you pay, you've completely forgotten what your pin number is on the card you're using.

By time you leave, you need 6 months of counselling sessions. Then half your shopping decides to leap out of the bag/trolley as you try to negotiate the valleys of their tarmac on your way to your car.

I'm off for a lie down, before I punch the trolley boy
Good for freebies though.

Wait until it’s busy and the solitary helper is running back and forth.
Accidentally :)hehe:) put something in your bag without it scanning then quickly scan something else. By the time the stupid machine says “unexpected item in the bagging area” it looks like it’s rejecting the thing you’ve scanned. The helper will come over (once they’ve finished chatting), wave their card at the machine, check the last item scanned, have a cursory glance at your bag, see the item in there and fuck off back to their chatting - sometimes you’ll get an extra busy/lazy/couldn’t give a shit one who won’t bother checking at all.
Worst case scenario is that they notice you haven’t scanned something -then you just play the dull middle aged bloke routine because everyone knows we haven’t got a clue about technology right? You can even confirm this at the end by pretending you don’t know which way to put your card into the machine...

Personally my motto is simple - I’ll try and scan it twice. If it doesn’t work then it’s going in the bag anyway. The way I see it if they can’t be arsed to get machines that work tidy then they deserve to be ripped off.

P.s Asda Caerphilly is a good bet - usually nice and busy, and the workers on the self serve bit enjoy a good chat.
 

Jimmytaff

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The Mrs won’t have it she reckons they send out all the over the eat by dates stuff :hehe::shrug2:
I tried it once as was self isolating. Has some obvious virtues but the perishables aren't in great nick and some of the substitutions are bizarre.
 

BSP

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Personally my motto is simple - I’ll try and scan it twice. If it doesn’t work then it’s going in the bag anyway. The way I see it if they can’t be arsed to get machines that work tidy then they deserve to be ripped off.


That’s a hell of a motto mate. Is there any room on your coat of arms
:hehe:
 

Dr Lecter

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That’s a hell of a motto mate. Is there any room on your coat of arms
:hehe:
For ease of use, I just shorten it to ‘Fuck em all’
 

QM Redux

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Been there and gave up with it. Order say a potato and it gets subbed for a pack of clothes pegs. Might as well just say, here's my card go get me a load of random items
And you then find you get one plastic bag for a packet of chewing gum whilst 6 large bottles get put into one overloaded bag - "sorry, it's the robots at fault".
 

QM Redux

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Self-service checkouts. They drive me absolutely bonkers. I try to avoid people at the best of times, but with this virus thing, I have even less desire to go anywhere near Jackie on till no.2 and have the next person behind me trying to breathe down my neck.

But these fecking self-service till things. First the larger one's with the conveyor belt, you can guarantee you pick the one where the belt doesn't work. Then you place your empty bags in bagging area "sorry item not recognised". Wait 10 mins for the numbnuts to finish their conversation to come and authorise it.

Scan one item and place in the bag then wait half hour before the damn machine is finally ready to allow you to scan the next item. You're a fecking computer, what's taking you so damn long. Place next item in bagging area to be greeted by "sorry item not recognised" and then wait another half hour for numbnuts to end conversation again and return to help out. And repeat.

Then comes the boxes of beer. All of a sudden the machine decides You're the one that's going too slow, as you trying to wrestle to get the beer in the empty bag buried under the rest of the shopping due to the pissy sized bagging area, to be then greeted by the "clearly you are a cripple for not getting the beer in your bag quickly enough, a colleague will be with you shortly".

Then wait half hour for numbnuts to turn up to authorise the alcohol sale. Get so wound up, by the time you pay, you've completely forgotten what your pin number is on the card you're using.

By time you leave, you need 6 months of counselling sessions. Then half your shopping decides to leap out of the bag/trolley as you try to negotiate the valleys of their tarmac on your way to your car.

I'm off for a lie down, before I punch the trolley boy
And then you get self service checkouts like at Morrison full of people with large trollies due to not wanting to queue up at the normal tills, thus causing large delays when you just want to buy 3, 4 items because every second item of theirs fucks up...
 

Steve R

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People who start a sentence with 'So......'

People who pronounce 'h' as haitch. :fedup:

Wankers.
 

BSP

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People who wear their disposable face mask with the ear loop like this - this is the behaviour of a penis

1B3FD5A3-333D-40D5-BFC7-E23088124FD4.jpeg
 

Jimmytaff

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People who wear their disposable face mask with the ear loop like this - this is the behaviour of a penis

1B3FD5A3-333D-40D5-BFC7-E23088124FD4.jpeg
So many people can't wear a face mask properly it baffles me.
 

The Colonel

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People who wear their disposable face mask with the ear loop like this - this is the behaviour of a penis

1B3FD5A3-333D-40D5-BFC7-E23088124FD4.jpeg
Not to be a penis but small-faced folk might find that looping around the ear like that is a better fit.
 

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