Off-Topic Crap joke thread

[Dr. Lecter]

I'm actually just shy of 6ft. Was just trying to shit on @Dr Lecter 's parade

Same here.

I was just trying to impress @stantys tattoos

 

[William Smith]

Quasimodo and Esmeralda walk into their school reunion after a while their approached by a group of lads one of them says hi Esmeralda how you doing Esmeralda says fine aren't you going to say hello to Quasimodo the guy says I can't remember him .She says sure you do he was in school with us .Sorry I can't Remember remember the name but his face rings a bell

 

[Jimmytaff]

Quasimodo and Esmeralda walk into their school reunion after a while their approached by a group of lads one of them says hi Esmeralda how you doing Esmeralda says fine aren't you going to say hello to Quasimodo the guy says I can't remember him .She says sure you do he was in school with us .Sorry I can't Remember remember the name but his face rings a bell

You can only win the award once mate

 

[Dr. Lecter]

You can only win the award once mate

I think he’s just cementing his position.

 

[TH63]

Why do golfers hate cake?
Because they might get a slice.

 

[Jimmytaff]

Why do golfers hate cake?
Because they might get a slice.

 

[Eat Y'self Fitter]

Why do golfers hate cake?
Because they might get a slice.

 

[Arfur Ap Llewellyn Europe]

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Dr

Dr Who

Well where's your fucking Tardis then you cunt

 

[TH63]

I hear what you and @Eat Y'self Fitter are saying here Jimmy, that was a really crap joke wasn't it @The Colonel

 

[Dr. Lecter]

I hear what you and @Eat Y'self Fitter are saying here Jimmy, that was a really crap joke wasn't it @The Colonel

I though it was fucking hilarious.

 

[Dr. Lecter]

Here’s a crap joke….

 

[Dr. Lecter]

​

So there was this man in Bulgaria who drove trains for a living. He loved his job. Driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child. He loved to make the train go as fast as possible. Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash. He made it out, but a single person died. Well, needless to say, he went to court over this incident. He was found guilty, and was sentenced to death by electrocution. When the day of the execution came, he requested a single banana as his last meal. After eating the banana, he was strapped into the electric chair. The switch was flown, sparks flew, and smoke filled the air - but nothing happened. The man was perfectly fine.

Well, at the time, there was an old Bulgarian law that said a failed execution was a sign of divine intervention, so the man was allowed to go free. Somehow, he managed to get his old job back driving the train. Having not learned his lesson at all, he went right back to driving the train with reckless abandon. Once again, he caused a train to crash, this time killing two people. The trial went much the same as the first, resulting in a sentence of execution. For his final meal, the man requested two bananas. After eating the bananas, he was strapped into the electric chair. The switch was thrown, sparks flew, smoke filled the room - and the man was once again unharmed.

Well, this of course meant that he was free to go. And once again, he somehow managed to get his old job back. To what should have been the surprise of no one, he crashed yet another train and killed three people. And so he once again found himself being sentenced to death. On the day of his execution, he requested his final meal: three bananas.

"You know what? No," said the executioner. "I've had it with you and your stupid bananas and walking out of here unharmed. I'm not giving you a thing to eat; we're strapping you in and doing this now." Well, it was against protocol, but the man was strapped in to the electric chair without a last meal. The switch was pulled, sparks flew, smoke filled the room - and the man was still unharmed. The executioner was speechless.

The man looked at the executioner and said, "Oh, the bananas had nothing to do with it. I'm just a bad conductor."

 

[Dr. Lecter]

Come on @The Colonel

It’s up to you but I think it’s obvious where the real crapness lies here.

 

[Dr. Lecter]

Why do golfers hate cake?
Because they might get a slice.

Witty and relevant.

Personally I think it doesn’t belong in this thread at all.

 

[Eat Y'self Fitter]

A man walked into a pub and asked the barmaid for a double entendre.

She gave him one.

 

[Travis Bickle]

Why do golfers hate cake?
Because they might get a slice.

Crumbs

 

[TH63]

Why do golfers hate cake?
Because they might get a slice.

I do hope nobody decides to give my joke lots of wrenches

 

[Dr. Lecter]

I do hope nobody decides to give my joke lots of wrenches

Trying to manipulate the vote eh Donald?

Instant disqualification I think @The Colonel

 

[Dr. Lecter]

I do hope nobody decides to give my joke lots of wrenches

Only an idiot would do that.

 

[The Colonel]

So @TH63 @Dr Lecter are the Golf Cake and Conductor jokes your official entries for crappest joke?