Off-Topic Opening doors for people

[Joecity]

I do it all the time....Finished work earlier and was bursting for a shit so stopped in Abergevenny Waitrose to pick up some grub and relieve myself...walking down to the bogs now at a fair clip causing I'm touching cloth almost...Overtook this fat old bloke just before the door but then I held it open for him...I'm so used to doing it...Anyway through the door he goes and straight into the only stall and violently expels what sounded like 3 pints of liquid shit out of his arse...he's groaning and stuff....using loads of loo roll as you can just here the dispenser whirring around....I'm in agony by now...cunt comes out and I got no choice but to get in there...

Fuck me it looked like a pipe had burst in Willy Wonkas chocolate factory..shit everywhere...up the sides of the bog n that..
Most importantly none on the seat so I dropped my guts as well..No bog brush in there...I genuinely feel sorry for the cleaner.

That's the story.

 

[stantys tattoos]

I do it all the time....Finished work earlier and was bursting for a shit so stopped in Abergevenny Waitrose to pick up some grub and relieve myself...walking down to the bogs now at a fair clip causing I'm touching cloth almost...Overtook this fat old bloke just before the door but then I held it open for him...I'm so used to doing it...Anyway through the door he goes and straight into the only stall and violently expels what sounded like 3 pints of liquid shit out of his arse...he's groaning and stuff....using loads of loo roll as you can just here the dispenser whirring around....I'm in agony by now...cunt comes out and I got no choice but to get in there...

Fuck me it looked like a pipe had burst in Willy Wonkas chocolate factory..shit everywhere...up the sides of the bog n that..
Most importantly none on the seat so I dropped my guts as well..No bog brush in there...I genuinely feel sorry for the cleaner.

That's the story.

30 pager coming

 

[kernel]

I do it all the time....Finished work earlier and was bursting for a shit so stopped in Abergevenny Waitrose to pick up some grub and relieve myself...walking down to the bogs now at a fair clip causing I'm touching cloth almost...Overtook this fat old bloke just before the door but then I held it open for him...I'm so used to doing it...Anyway through the door he goes and straight into the only stall and violently expels what sounded like 3 pints of liquid shit out of his arse...he's groaning and stuff....using loads of loo roll as you can just here the dispenser whirring around....I'm in agony by now...cunt comes out and I got no choice but to get in there...

Fuck me it looked like a pipe had burst in Willy Wonkas chocolate factory..shit everywhere...up the sides of the bog n that..
Most importantly none on the seat so I dropped my guts as well..No bog brush in there...I genuinely feel sorry for the cleaner.

That's the story.

Thanks Alan Whicker

 

[Joecity]

Thanks Alan Whicker

I like to report back to the forum as you know.

 

[LlanBlue86]

I was busting for a shot once on a six nations match day in walkabout.
Some big fat cunt come out of the cubicle I jumped in quick locked the door then inhaled the nastiest most vile thing possible and spewed my guts up

 

[Kiffa 4.0]

I do it all the time....Finished work earlier and was bursting for a shit so stopped in Abergevenny Waitrose to pick up some grub and relieve myself...walking down to the bogs now at a fair clip causing I'm touching cloth almost...Overtook this fat old bloke just before the door but then I held it open for him...I'm so used to doing it...Anyway through the door he goes and straight into the only stall and violently expels what sounded like 3 pints of liquid shit out of his arse...he's groaning and stuff....using loads of loo roll as you can just here the dispenser whirring around....I'm in agony by now...cunt comes out and I got no choice but to get in there...

Fuck me it looked like a pipe had burst in Willy Wonkas chocolate factory..shit everywhere...up the sides of the bog n that..
Most importantly none on the seat so I dropped my guts as well..No bog brush in there...I genuinely feel sorry for the cleaner.

That's the story.

What was tone doing in Abergavenny????

Haw

Haw

Haw

 

[Norris Cole]

I do it all the time....Finished work earlier and was bursting for a shit so stopped in Abergevenny Waitrose to pick up some grub and relieve myself...walking down to the bogs now at a fair clip causing I'm touching cloth almost...Overtook this fat old bloke just before the door but then I held it open for him...I'm so used to doing it...Anyway through the door he goes and straight into the only stall and violently expels what sounded like 3 pints of liquid shit out of his arse...he's groaning and stuff....using loads of loo roll as you can just here the dispenser whirring around....I'm in agony by now...cunt comes out and I got no choice but to get in there...

Fuck me it looked like a pipe had burst in Willy Wonkas chocolate factory..shit everywhere...up the sides of the bog n that..
Most importantly none on the seat so I dropped my guts as well..No bog brush in there...I genuinely feel sorry for the cleaner.

That's the story.

I had a curry last night.

Thanks for holding the door.

Banging shite.

 

[Glos Blue]

I do it all the time....Finished work earlier and was bursting for a shit so stopped in Abergevenny Waitrose to pick up some grub and relieve myself...walking down to the bogs now at a fair clip causing I'm touching cloth almost...Overtook this fat old bloke just before the door but then I held it open for him...I'm so used to doing it...Anyway through the door he goes and straight into the only stall and violently expels what sounded like 3 pints of liquid shit out of his arse...he's groaning and stuff....using loads of loo roll as you can just here the dispenser whirring around....I'm in agony by now...cunt comes out and I got no choice but to get in there...

Fuck me it looked like a pipe had burst in Willy Wonkas chocolate factory..shit everywhere...up the sides of the bog n that..
Most importantly none on the seat so I dropped my guts as well..No bog brush in there...I genuinely feel sorry for the cleaner.

That's the story.

Next time do a @Popeye and just shit in the street.

 

[Popeye]

Next time do a @Popeye and just shit in the street.

Hate having to use public loos.

Dropped my guts in the Guinness factory, now those bogs were a mess.

 

[Melvin Udal]

I was busting for a shot once on a six nations match day in walkabout.
Some big fat cunt come out of the cubicle I jumped in quick locked the door then inhaled the nastiest most vile thing possible and spewed my guts up

Love a shot

 

[Melvin Udal]

Always hold a door open, love it when some ignorant cunt says nowt.

Cunts.

 

[Eat Y'self Fitter]

Just called an old man a stupid twat. - Cardiff City Forum

I've just been into town on my lunch break, I go into town almost every lunchtime and just walk, have a bit of a browse, and walk a bit more, I average just over 2 miles each lunch hour which can't be bad for you. I decided to pop into Marks to see what was happening in the food hall what with...

cardiffcityforum.com

I've not held open a door for anyone since the above incident.

 

[Kiffa 4.0]

Just called an old man a stupid twat. - Cardiff City Forum

I've just been into town on my lunch break, I go into town almost every lunchtime and just walk, have a bit of a browse, and walk a bit more, I average just over 2 miles each lunch hour which can't be bad for you. I decided to pop into Marks to see what was happening in the food hall what with...

cardiffcityforum.com

I've not held open a door for anyone since the above incident.

Pensioners

 

[Eat Y'self Fitter]

Pensioners

Cunts.

 

[stantys tattoos]

Cunts.

 

[Delboyo]

Never again since a woke feminist got offended by me holding the door open for her.
" i suppose you opened the door for me because you think I cannot do it myself'.

"No love" came a witty reply "im thinking of your husband having his tea late".

 

[Dr. Lecter]

I apply the same rule with door holding as I do with letting people out of a junction when driving.

A quick split second analysis of if they’re likely to be a cunt or not is my method.

Door holding obviously comes down the individual - orange women with big lips and shiny heads, scowling old people, anyone that looks like they’ll say fam, hipsters on penny farthings and anyone that looks like they’ve got a loaf of bread on their head - cunts.

Letting people out of junctions is obviously based on vehicle analysis - Nissan Micras ( 0r similar old person car), Audis, Beemers, taxis, white vans, cyclists can all get fucked.,

 

[stantys tattoos]

I apply the same rule with door holding as I do with letting people out of a junction when driving.

A quick split second analysis of if they’re likely to be a cunt or not is my method.

Door holding obviously comes down the individual - orange women with big lips and shiny heads, scowling old people, anyone that looks like they’ll say fam, hipsters on penny farthings and anyone that looks like they’ve got a loaf of bread on their head - cunts.

Letting people out of junctions is obviously based on vehicle analysis - Nissan Micras ( 0r similar old person car), Audis, Beemers, taxis, white vans, cyclists can all get fucked.,

 

[Blue Job]

Never again since a woke feminist got offended by me holding the door open for her.
" i suppose you opened the door for me because you think I cannot do it myself'.

"No love" came a witty reply "im thinking of your husband having his tea late".

Last time I held a door open for a women she said 'Do you mind, I'm having a shit'...
Still stand up for 'old' people on the rare occasion I'm on a bus or a train, and I'm 66. If I'm walking, I always go to the kerb side if I'm passing a women, kids coming the other way. Old habits.

 

[Nugent]

I hate people holding the door open for me.
It makes me feel compelled to do a little jog to speed the process up.
Im 48 and also think people now thinking im an old fart or something.

I fell down the last 3 steps on site tbe other day.
Thats the first time I felt old cos 2 youngsters saw it and came running over saying "fucking hell mate you ok?"
If someone falls when they're young, anyone seeing the fall normally just pisses themselves laughing.